What the Hell?
by Maya Tamika
Summary: Mattie's thinkin' "what the hell?" Or at least, that's what Gilbert thinks. But what IS Matthew thinking? And why is he acting so strangely? And it just had to be while Gilbert was hungover, didn't it? PruCan. Mentions of USUK and a little Franada and UKCan. You can read the France part with Spain however you want to! ;) Fluffy ending. Rated for minor language.


He was drunk.

Oh, hell, he was drunk.

Lord knows he was drunk.

He was drunk as hell.

Drunk he was as hell.

Drunk knows he was lord.

...you get the point.

But regardless, he wasn't too drunk to see what he saw and shrug it off. He sobered almost instantly when he saw it.

Not. Awesome.

There, across the bar, was Matthew, his one and only beautiful little Candian, happily making out with his best friend, Francis.

Normally, Gilbert wouldn't care if he saw his boyfriend making out with Francis. Francis was, after all, incredibly attractive. What really bothered him was that Matthew was clearly sober. And Gilbert knew Matthew well enough to know when he was drukn and when he was sober.

Francis was drunk; Matthew was sober.

And that was what bothered Gilbert.

So he stood and walked over to the couple. He roughly pulled them apart and glared at Matthew, "what the hell do you think I you're doing?"

Matthew didn't look fazed in the slightest, which was odd for such a passive man, "well, I _was_ making out with Francis, but I'm not now, am I?"

"W-what the...Matthew, you can't just make out with my best friend!" Gilbert stated.

"I don't see why not," Francis slurred drunkenly.

"I have to agree with Francis on this one," Matthew shrugged, then turned back to the Frenchman on whose lap he was sitting.

Gilbert pulled the men apart again, "Matthew!"

"What? I've made out with him before!" Matthew protested.

"He's my fav-*hic*-favourite partner!" Francis announced.

"Ja. When you were drunk!" Gilbert said.

"Your point is...?" Matthew asked.

"I don't mind you making out with my best friend when you're drunk because I know the alcohol clouds your vision. But I'm drunker than you right now!" Gilbert anounced.

"You're always drunker than me," Matthew reasoned, "well, except maybe at Christmas. But I can't help it that eggnog only comes once a year and it's _good_."

"I think you're missing the point, Matthew," Gilbert stated, "why are you doing this?"

"Doing what? Making out with Francis? Because he's a good kisser!" Matthew retorted.

"But...but why?"

"I feel like we're going in circles."

"Oh my god. You're just trying to mess with me, aren't you?"

"Mess with you? Why would I want to do that?"

"Hey! It looks like Antonio's here!" Francis suddenly announced. He pulled himself out from under Matthew and ran off.

"We're going home," Gilbert told Matthew.

"What? But I'm not even buzzed yet!" Matthew protested.

"Then you're driving," Gilbert grabbed Matthew's hand and began pulling him through the crowd.

"Not cool, dude. Besides, Lovino's the designated driver!"

Gilbert stopped and rounded on his lover, firm hands on his shoulders, "what is wrong with you? I'd expect this kind of behaviour from your brother, not you!"

Matthew shrugged, "I guess I kinda just decided, 'ah, what the hell?'"

"That's not exactly a legitimate excuse."

"Oops."

"Matthew!"

"What?"

Gilbert stared at his boyfriend, at a loss for words. Matthew had always been perfectly loyal and loving and blameless. But now, suddenly, it seemed like he had just stopped caring altogether.

Gilbert gave an exasperated sigh and pulled Matthew out of the bar.

The next morning, Gilbert awoke just after Matthew. The latter was sitting on the edge of the bed, stretching. Gilbert immediately realised he was hungover and groaned slightly.

Matthew turned at the sound and smiled. He leaned back and lay down so his head was on Gilbert's stomach. Gilbert growled quietly, glad that the whole ordeal from the previous day was over. He reached down and stroked Matthew's cheek, then traced his jaw bone. His finger trailed down to Matthew's neck and began outlining his pecs and abs.

Suddenly, a sharp sound made Gilbert wince, and Matthew was gone. He stood in the centre of the room, talking on his cell phone. Gilbert lay in confusion for a moment more, then slowly sat up, listening to the one side of the conversation he could hear.

"Yeah, totally," Matthew was saying, "what time?" he glanced at his watch, "no. That's not a problem. Sure thing. See you then. Alright, bye, Al!"

During the call, Gilbert had slowly crept up behind Matthew. He now wrapped his arms around the Canadian's waist. Matthew turned to him and he leaned in for a kiss, but Matthew turned his face away. Suddenly, Gilbert heard the sound of a door closing and he found himself locked in his closet.

"Matt? Matthew?" Gilbert asked, trying the doorknob, "Matthew, what are you doing? Open this door! Matthew! Matthew?"

Gilbert took a minute to get dressed, then searched his pockets. He found a business card in one of them and slid it between the door and the wall, opening it. He got out of the apartment just in time to see the elevator door closing with Matthew inside.

Gilbert ran to the stairs and descended them two at a time, no longer really caring about his hangover.

When he got downstairs, he saw Matthew leaving the building and quickly followed. Matthew turned a corner and kept walking. Gilbert jogged to catch up, but Matthew somehow managed to stay a step ahead of him, even when he broke into a sprint. Gilbert couldn't be that surprised, though. Matthew was quite the athlete.

Matthew finally stopped when he arrived at the mall. Gilbert had almost caught up and was calling, "Matthew!" when he moved again, this time gravitating toward two men that Gilbert knew: Matthew's twin brother Alfred and his boyfriend Arthur.

"Hey, Al! Arthur!" Matthew called as he approached.

Alfred waved, "hi, Mattie! Where's Gilbert?"

"He's coming," Matthew gave a sly glance over his shoulder, "he said he'd catch up. Anyway, Arthur, how are you?"

The three blondes were on the move. The crowds made it hard to navigate after them as Gilbert followed, desperately trying to catch his lover and ask a few questions.

Gilbert followed them through almost the entire mall before he lost sight of them. When he finally saw them again, he stopped short.

Matthew had one hand hooked on the front of Arthur's shirt and he had pulled the Brit into a passionate lip-lock. Alfred stared on, blue eyes wide, as he tried to understand exactly what was happening. His eyes strayed for just a moment and landed on Gilbert, who looked back, equally as stunned.

They took action at the exact same moment. Alfred immediately grabbed Arthur around the waist and pulled him away from his brother. The Englishman, upon being freed, yelled, "what the bloody hell was that, Matthew?"

Gilbert, meanwhile, had forgotten all formalities as he pushed past people in the crowd. He raced toward Matthew and as he did so, their eyes locked.

Matthew smiled at him, then turned and ran off without Alfred and Arthur, who stared after him, utterly confused.

When Gilbert arrived at where the two blondes were standing a moment later, Alfred immediately asked, "what the hell is wrong with my brother?"

Gilbert shook his head, "I don't know. He's been acting strange since yesterday. I'm very sorry, Arthur. I'll talk some sense into him."

"You do that," Arthur replied, "and when you're finished, tell him Alfred and I want to 'talk some sense' into him, too."

Gilbert nodded in understanding, then ran off after Matthew again.

The next time he saw Matthew, the Canadian was outside the mall, leaning against a wall, with his cell phone out, texting someone. He glanced up as Gilbert approached, and as soon as he saw the German, he turned and walked off again.

Getting tired of the chirade, Gilbert broke into a run, chasing after his boyfriend. To his horror, a car pulled up in front of Matthew, who jumped into it. Luckily, there was a taxi closeby and Gilbert managed to jump into it and tell the driver "follow that car!" before Matthew got too far.

They drove, completely aimlessly, for half an hour, then Matthew got out of the car and thanked the people driving right in front of their apartment complex. Gilbert forked over the cash to the taxi driver and jumped out. Matthew was already walking in the opposite direction of the mall.

Gilbert again broke into a sprint to try and catch Matthew, but Matthew began running, too. Next thing Gilbert knew, he was on another wild goose chase. Matthew led him into and out of various sores and restaurants, somehow managing to stay just a step or two ahead the entire time.

Finally, as Gilbert was feeling hungry and his hangover hadn't improved in the least since waking up, considering he hadn't eaten anything all day and was starving, Matthew reentered their apartment complex. Gilbert didn't quite make it to the elevator on time, and he didn't have the energy to climb the stairs quickly, so by the time he entered his apartment, he was dead tired.

He shoved his key into the lock and turned it unceremoniously. As soon as the door opened, a familiar smell assaulted his senses. He entered the kitchen to find Matthew, frying bacon over the stove, while he mixed pancake batter in a bowl on the counter.

"Matthew..." Gilbert breathed angrily, "what the hell...?"

Matthew turned to him and offered him a sweet smile. He then left everything he was doing and walked over to Gilbert. He put his hands on Gilbert's shoulders and guided him into the bedroom. He gently pushed the German onto the bed and tucked him in like a child. He left the room, and just as Gilbert was about to get back up, he returned with aspirin and water. He handed them to Gilbert and kissed his forehead.

"Take these. The'll help. I'll bring you the food when it's ready, okay?" Matthew spoke softly and sweetly, his voice lulling the hungover German into a mind-numbing state of bliss. "I love you," Matthew purred.

Gilbert did as instructed and took the pills, and sipped at the water. Now that he was lying down, he couldn't help but relax into the bed. It was only a few minutes before Matthew returned, but he was already mostly asleep.

The feeling of something settling on the bed woke him. He opened his eyes to find Matthew sitting on the edge, setting up a breakfast-in-bed tray in front of him. Gilbert carefully pulled himself into a sitting position and stared down at the food: greasy, greasy bacon, black, black coffee and fluffy, fluffy pancakes.

"Matt..." Gilbert began, but Matthew's finger on his lips stopped him. When the finger left, he was about to contiue, but was again silenced, this time by Matthew's lips.

"You passed," Matthew whispered.

"Passed? Passed what?" Gilbert asked, confused.

"I'll tell you when you're feeling better," Matthew replied. He trailed kisses down Gilbert's neck and to his collarbone, then stopped, "eat up."

Gilbert hesistated only a moment, then did as he was bid. He ate everything on the plate and drank the coffee. Afterwards, he felt phenomenally better, though by no means 100%. Matthew returned the dishes to the kitchen and Gilbert settled back onto the bed.

When Matthew returned this time, he pulled himself onto the bed, under the covers and twirled their legs together. Almost subconsciously, Gilbert reached out and pulled his lover closer. Matthew snuggled into him easily.

"What did I pass?" Gilbert dared to ask.

"You know I only love you, right?" Matthew replied, "I love you. Not Arthur, and not Francis. I only love you."

Gilbert cocked his head, which was beginning to feel fuzzy from sleep, "yes..."

"Good. Because now I now that you'll always love me, too. Even when I do stupid things," Matthew replied. If it was at all possible, he moved in closer to Gilbert, wrapping his arms around his lover's waist. He tucked his head under Gilbert's chest and sighed.

"Of course I'll always love you, Birdie. Why did you feel the need to test that?" Gilbert asked.

"Honestly? It was kinda fun..." Matthew admitted sleepily. He yawned, "but tiring. I'm not an extrovert for a reason."

Gilbert chuckled and kissed the top of Matthew's head, "just rest now, Birdie. You've had a long day. Ich liebe dich."

"I love-" another yawn, "-you, too."

And together, they slept.

**Aww! How sweet! I'm not sure I'm quite happy with the ending, though...oh, well. I can always change it later.**

**Betcha didn't know I like PruCan! (Well, if you're one of the people who PMs me regularly (or semi-regularly because I can be kinda bad at getting back to people when they PM me) then you might have known that...) But I do!**

**Franada is still my OTP forever, but something about PruCan is just really...sweet! **

**So, sorry that Matthew is, like, UBER OOC, but this was UBER fun to write because of it! I kinda wanted to make the ending a little fluffier, but I couldn't think of anything else.**

**As always, if you find any errors, (grammatical, spelling or otherwise) I would be happy to hear about them. I am again using a program that does not to my knowledge have spell-check and that sucks.**

**This is, by the way, inspired by the song "What the Hell" by Avril Lavigne, which I don't particularly like, but I saw this on YouTube: www dot youtube /watch?v= SjM6FcVcOKM and I just HAD to write a fanfic for it. So I wrote this super fast, but I'm pretty happy with it (and again, if I end up not liking it later, I can change what I don't like, so no worries!).**

**Hope you liked it! :)**

**Until next time!**

_**~Maya**_


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